


The Saddest Thing I Know

by allofuswithwings



Category: Muse (Band)
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Self-Destruction, Song fic, The Resistance Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:08:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27636610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allofuswithwings/pseuds/allofuswithwings
Summary: Matt confronts Dom about his worrying party habits, but gets more than he bargained for.
Relationships: Matt Bellamy/Dom Howard, Matt Bellamy/Kate Hudson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	The Saddest Thing I Know

**Author's Note:**

> Imported from Livejournal/Dreamwidth. Originally published September 2011.
> 
> Song!fic based on The Saddest Thing I Know by Birds of Tokyo. You can find it [here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBY97wkDmcI).

~

_How long you been asleep at the wheel?  
Out of control, gathering up speed_

~

Matt turned his head as he heard a commotion from the other side of the room, followed by the smashing of glasses and the sound of someone hitting the floor. He didn’t really need to look to know who it was. It was becoming a common occurrence at after-parties, despite how often he told himself it was only this _one_ time.

And every time, he just let it go. After all, Dom was a grown man and could do whatever the hell he wanted. Matt wasn’t his keeper; Dom wasn’t his responsibility.

But something pulled at him this time, and made him cut short the conversation he was having with one of the crew. Dom _was_ his responsibility, after everything that had happened. Deep down, Matt felt that all of this, all that Dom had become, was his fault.

He excused himself and made his way over to where Dom was picking himself up somewhat unsuccessfully from the ground. The girls around him just giggled, and Matt shoved them aside to grab Dom by the arm, dragging him up and away from the crowds.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Dom snorted. “I’m fine.”

Matt didn’t reply until he’d pushed Dom out of the room and down the less-crowded, quieter corridor.

“You’re _not_ fine,” he growled. “You’re a fucking disgrace.”

Dom burst out laughing, yanking his arm back from Matt’s grip and walking unaided. Matt followed him as he made his way purposefully toward the bathrooms.

“Why are you having a go at me, mate?” Dom asked, shaking his head. “I’m just having a good time. I’m a fucking rock star – I’m supposed to be having fun at my own after-party!”

Matt contemplated leaving him be, his temper too short to deal with Dom when he was like this, but the drummer’s current appearance then made him stay. There was something more off than usual, something that crawled at Matt’s skin and turned his annoyance into worry.

“I’m having a go because you’re making a twat of yourself and ruining everyone else’s night, _again_ ,” he replied. “What the fuck is going on with you?”

Dom walked past the bathrooms and instead pushed open the door to the dressing rooms, Matt quickly realising why they’d come in here when he saw the scene in front of him. It was slightly foggy with smoke from cigarettes and weed, but several windows were open, and Matt could easily make out the forms of celebrities and party-goers cutting cocaine and swapping pills upon counters and tables. Many of them lounged over the leather settees and chairs, laughing or spaced out of their minds.

Matt felt the anger boil up in him again as Dom waltzed over to a pretty blonde wearing not very much. She was intently pushing white powder around with a razor on her pocket-mirror, but looked up and smiled widely when she saw Dom.

“Hey there, love,” Dom purred. “I see you saved some for me.”

Matt watched as he wound an arm around her waist and kissed her carelessly, his other hand finding its way up her thigh. She laughed and smacked him away as they broke apart, careful to keep her mirror steady. She then reached for her rolled-up note and snorted a line, before handing it over to Dom.

Matt stepped forward at this, pulling Dom away. He’d known that this was what was behind Dom’s behaviour and appearance of late, but it had been easier to pretend that he didn’t. Seeing it now right in front of him, he couldn’t bury his head in the sand anymore.

“No fucking way, Dom,” Matt said. “You’ve put enough shit in your body for one night. No more.”

“You don’t know what I’ve had tonight; you’ve been too busy schmoozing with your Hollywood friends to even notice me,” Dom replied, his voice harder. “And you’re not my mother, so fuck off and mind your own business.”

He turned back to reach for the cocaine again, but Matt was quicker and slapped it from the woman’s hand, spiling it on the floor. Dom’s expression hardened and he shoved Matt, making him stumble. A few people in the room turned to stare at them.

“You should leave,” Dom said. “Nobody wants a judgemental wanker pissing on their night.”

“I’m judgemental because you’re fucking yourself up with this shit!” Matt snapped.

“And what if I am? What does that even have to do with you?”

“I’m your friend – I was your _best_ friend once. Doesn’t that mean I get to have a say if I’m worried about you?” Matt challenged.

“No. You don’t get give your fucking opinion on my wellbeing anymore. You gave up that right when you threw me aside for some blonde Yank,” Dom informed him.

Matt swallowed hard at this. He hadn’t thought Dom would have the balls to bring up what they’d avoided talking about for the past year, and certainly not in public. He pulled Dom to one side, trying to get out of earshot of everyone else.

“I didn’t _throw you aside_ , because we were never together, not really,” Matt hissed.

As soon as the words left his mouth and he saw the expression on Dom’s face, Matt regretted it. There was a sadness in Dom’s eyes that he’d tried to avoid for so long, and to see it now instead of the usual haze of drink and drugs, made Matt’s chest ache terribly.

“I mean, we never said we were. We didn’t say what it was we were doing,” Matt said quickly. “We mostly just messed around. I didn’t know.”

“You _should_ have known. Especially after what you said to me when you and Gaia started having problems–” Dom cut himself off, waving a hand dismissively. “It doesn’t matter anyway; it’s too fucking late for all that bollocks. You’ve got your life, so stay out of mine.”

He went to turn away from Matt again, but the singer grabbed his arm.

“You’re still in my band, so I won’t stay out of your life when you’re going to fuck things up for the rest of us,” Matt snapped.

Dom laughed.

“Oh, _your_ band is it? Now we get to the truth of it. I never really mattered, did I? Just the idiot drummer in the Matt Bellamy Show.”

Matt rubbed a hand over his face, growling in frustration.

“Well, you _are_ an idiot if you continue on like this. You’ll end up with no friends and probably in prison.”

“Well, then I guess I won’t be your problem anymore, so it works out well for both of us,” Dom informed him.

Matt watched as Dom wiped a hand over the clammy skin on the back of his neck, then wandered back over to his blonde ladyfriend. She had cut several more lines of cocaine while Matt and Dom had been talking, and the drummer leaned down to snort one, wiping at his nose before turning back to the singer again. Matt felt like he was going to be sick.

“Can’t tempt you to join us, then?” Dom deadpanned, knowing full-well the answer to the question.

He was grinning but his smile was cold, and Matt felt a shiver pass down his spine at the clouded quality that had returned to his friend’s eyes.

“You’ve lost it,” Matt muttered, shaking his head.

Dom just giggled and snorted again.

“Nah, _you’ve_ lost it – you’ve forgotten how to have fun. You’ve grown old and pathetic.”

“ _I’m_ pathetic? You should take a look at yourself.”

Dom rolled his eyes.

“Jesus, you just go on and on, don’t you? Get it through your head – nobody here gives a shit that you don’t approve. So piss off back to your _normal_ friends,” he said snidely.

By this time, Matt knew he was done. There was nothing more he could do or say to change anything.

“Fine, I’m leaving,” he said.

But as he walked past, he snatched hold of Dom’s arm, turning it over roughly to get a look at the crook of his elbow. Dom snarled in protest, but his expression faltered for a moment when he realised what Matt was doing.

Matt went pale when his eyes fell upon the very thing he’d hoped more than anything that he’d never see. Dom yanked his arm back, his gaze averted.

“ _Fucking hell_.”

The words caught in Matt’s throat.

Dom didn’t reply, and simply turned his attention back to the blonde and her friends that had gathered around, pretending Matt wasn’t even there. The singer watched Dom for a few more seconds before turning and heading out, his heart lodged somewhere up in his throat and a shake in his hands.

It was only now he realised he loved Dom more than he’d ever loved anyone else in his whole life. He’d never admitted it, to himself or to Dom, and now it was too late for any of it.

*  



End file.
